Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 3 June 2010

image for Collosal Squid hampers Deepwater Horizon rescue
BP salvage engineers have dubbed the giant squid 'Palin'

Gulff Mexico - (Fishy Tales): The 66ft invertebrate, Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni, was seen menacing BP's ruptured Deepwater Horizon wellhead as a new containment cap was being lowered by underwater robots.

The abyssal gigantist was spotted near the severed pipe this morning after emerging from a nearby crater close to the crude disaster scene.

By lunchtime the humunguous cephalopod - nicknamed Palin by BP workers - appeared to be trying to impale it/herself on some broken pipework in what might well be a bizarre mating ritual.

Frantic BP engineers feared the 900kg beastie would carry on lashing out at the specialist salvage equipment with its huge tentacles and took immediate preventative action to prise it away from the repair scene.

Emergency marine thermic lances had to be deployed to see off what oceanographers described as a wayward Antarctic or Giant Cranch Squid - whose appearance in the Gulf of Mexico has been blamed on global warming.

Environmentalists monitoring the rescue operation said later today that BP executives had been 'shitting bricks' at the new drama and had 'forgotten' to mention the giant mollusc's presence to President Obama - who is on their case night and day to fix the horrendous spill.

"Hell, Obama was so freaked out about a little furry critter in the White House rose garden last month," the Greenpiss activist explained, "what the hell do you think he's gonna say when the oil company tells him about the Giant Squid hampering the rescue?"

Sarah Palin is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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