In a tragic accident today, a 39 year old factory worker was killed when crushed by two pallets of Vodka Sauce that fell on him while he was checking the alcohol content in the designer spaghetti sauce canned on his shift.
Co workers lamented the accident saying the victim "was Irish, hated spaghetti, and never took a drop of alcohol in his life!"
President Obama took time out from a meeting with Paul McCartney to lament the tragedy, and said he would be looking into the US's preoccupation with alcoholic beverages, and mixing binge drinking with binge eating, which he blamed mostly on Italians who dominated the NY restaurant scene.
Before returning to his interrupted meeting with Sir Paul, who was in the midst of proposing a solution to the BP oil spill problem, Obama announced that he would be appointing retiring Democratic RI Congressman "Patches" Kennedy to a special committee on investigating alcohol related deaths in the workplace.
Obama said Kennedy was no stranger to tragedy, and had first hand experience in dealing with alcohol related accidents both in and out of his automobile.
Kennedy was unavailable to speak at the moment, due to a recurrence of the rare Myotonic Goat Syndrome that has afflicted him since he discovered Gin Gimlets. Aides said that the congressman 'often falls down in a dead faint and can't get up....but that he always bounces back after the threat of a lawsuit, arrest or incarceration passes!"