The US Senate announced today that their new internet control bill will place Homeland Security Chief and Pants Suit Maven Janet Napitalano in charge of 'throwing the switch' at her discretion to protect 'the integrity of the government. (sic)
Napitalano, former Governor of Arizona who was against illegal immigration before she was for it in her new role as an Opera Critic for the New York Times and part time seat warmer on the nation's security matters, said conditions are already in place to shut down 'any seditious use of the public airways that could effect the rightful election of liberal democrats and secular progressives."
When quizzed by several friendly Democratic Senators who recently gave Mexican President Felipe Calderon a standing ovation for dissing America after receiving a free meal and the life time DVD collection of Obama's Greatest Hits, 'Big Sis' wearing her latest pant suit outfit embroidered with the patches of every EU country said test runs of the 'Doomsday Scenario' had secretly been run several months ago with tremendous success.
"We were able to virtually shut down TheSpoof.com for almost a week, limiting access to the site, as well as cutting off their feed to Google. Readership plummeted, writers left the site, and the President's approval rating went up 4 points almost overnight!"
Responding to a lone Republican who asked the circumstances of how the site was reactivated Napitalano smiled shyly saying, "Well, I couldn't say really. I do know Bill Clinton made a detour to the UK flying back from Haiti, and I know there was a 'substantial' contribution made to the DNC...especially since it was made in Sterling which currently is much more valuable than our dirty currency!"
Meanwhile, Spoof editor Mark Lowton continues to remain mum after repeated requests to explain the inordinate delay in the usually prompt residual payments made the first of every month to the mostly destitute and depraved writers slaving on his internet site.