Washington. (Spoof International News). March 3rd. President Bush traveled to the offices of the CIA today after an aborted attempt on Wednesday. The purpose of the trip was to reassure the new CIA director Porter M. Goss and his minions that the recent appointment of John Negroponte as the new Intelligence Czar was in no way demeaning and should not be considered any kind of "slap in the face."
"I came here today for a couple of reasons," said Mr. Bush. "I want to re-assure all of you, many of whom I know by name, that the appointment of the new Intelligence Czar in no way lessens my confidence in that guy I appointed here recently. Ummm, Goose. Porter Goose." One of Bush's handlers quickly came up behind him and whispered what was most likely a correction in to his ear. He was also handed a small index card.
Brushing off his handler, and reading the card, Mr. Bush went on. "I would like you all to give a nice Texas round of applause for our next Intelligence Czar, Mr. John Neg…John Negoropon…John Negoropont. John Negoropont. Step up here John." After that a very embarrassed looking Negroponte stood between Bush and Goss, and nudged Goss out of the way. There was a brief smattering of applause.
Bush went on. "After our mistakes about the WMDs over there, which I really, really, really thought were there…I couldn't think of any one that I'd rather have as the Czar of Intelligence than our point-person in Iraq at that time." Bush gave Negroponte a good natured slap on the shoulder. "John Negoropont."
But just before Negroponte got a word out, Mr. Bush interrupted. "We all know the CIA is the center of intelligence community. It's just that there are lots of other little operations here and there. Don's got one now. Pretty good one too. Except that thing about WMDs. Oh-sorry John. Go ahead."
Negroponte finally got his chance at the microphone. "Not only do we have challenges on the battlefield of terrorism, but we have those on the home front as well. Our government has been roiled in the challenges of internal communications…" Bush then interrupted. "What he really means to say is that some asses are gonna get a boot right up ‘em if there isn't some talking between here and the FBI."
Shortly thereafter the visit ended; the Negroponte entourage headed for the door, as did the Bush entourage. "One last thing…" said Bush as he was heading to the door. "Just call him Mr. N when he's over here."