Written by C. Cranium
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Tuesday, 1 June 2010

image for Timothy Leary Returns as Video Dispenser of Goodies
Timothy Leary induced crowd.

New York, City, Soho. The Moody Blues remember Timothy Leary, "…he is on the outside looking in". The famous line meant that Leary was somewhere on the other side of sane, looking back at the rest of humanity. Leary got to that other side by consuming LSD, or Acid, and experiencing hallucinations and altered thought processes that he interpreted as a good thing. Leary in a splashy fashion sold the idea of mind altering drugs to the sixties generation as he tripped himself out of a professorship at Stanford.

Timothy Leary is back in the news as a bar top video surprise dispenser that has a psychedelic design with mini light show. Bills go in ($5 and $10s) the slot and out comes a selection in a small packet. The packet contains mints, gum, or lemon drops, but with a secret code the packets are one hit of Acid or peyote. To law enforcement officials the Timothy Leary Surprise Dispensers are just hearsay -- at least until tonight.

Tonight the rumors materialized when New York City Police were tipped off that the Retro Club in Soho, had the Leary devise on their back bar. The complaint was ignored until calls about noisy and unruly crowds in the same neighborhood were also logged. After closing time crowds left The Retro and wandered around the neighborhood laughing, yelling, disrobing, and being basically too noisy for the wee hours. The Police rounded up a number of the more obnoxious peace disturbers, and dispersed the rest of the jolly trippers to their homes.

Next the New York City Cops proceeded to the Retro Club, where things were still hopping, even though the bar had been closed for some time. Fleeing the cops, the crowd tried to run out the back door, jump out windows, pretend to be invisible, hide in dumpsters, pretend to be reporters, play dead, and crawl under the police cordoned area. In the mayhem someone tripped the switch on the Leary devise and the mini light show alerted the whereabouts to the cops. Later the lab officers, at precinct, couldn't get anything out of the devise other than mints or gum.

After trying for hours to get the Leary devise to dispense contraband the lab officers called in the twelve year old police reserve nerd. The lad, in a sultry manner, hit a couple of buttons and out came the incriminating LSD and peyote packets. NYPD has issued an alert in the Police Tips magazine advising all of the previously mythical devise.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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