Written by Nick Fudala
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Thursday, 27 May 2010

image for Insane Man Runs for Office, Wins in a Landslide
Archive photo of Mr. Steavey, circa 2006.

WEST BLOOMFIELD TOWNSHIP, MI - Local insane man Lyle Steavey was elected to the United States Congress today to represent Michigan's 9th Congressional District. Mr. Steavey has been confined to a mental institution since August 2004.

With anti-Washington and anti-establishment fervor still running high citizens of the 9th District came out in droves today to send Mr. Steavey to Washington with an impressive 68 percent of the vote. Questions about Mr. Steavey's capability to serve were not an issue with most voters as the consensus was that a "new face is needed in DC."

"There's been too many lies and too much corruption in Washington and I think Lyle will step in and change things," said Henry White, a retired school teacher, "I really feel like Lyle Steavey shares my values and my beliefs and will do what is right for the American people."

Mr. Steavey was sentenced to the Twin Valley Mental Institution for setting fire to an orphanage and attempting to fly on wings made of feces in early 2004. He is expected to be fully rehabilitated and allowed to re-enter society in time for the commencement of the second session of the 112th Congress in 2011.

Though voters showed an overwhelming display of support, not everyone was pleased with his victory, including Cindy Myers, a homemaker and mother of three:

"I just don't think he's proven himself enough to represent us yet," she said, "What did he do in the mental institution to get elected? I think he spent a lot of time wasting taxpayer money while locked up and I think he'll continue to do that in Washington."

Contrary to Mrs. Myers' belief, Mr. Steavey ran on a platform of reducing government spending. His campaign's website lists his first cost-cutting measure to be the "elimination of all of the nation's mental institutions." No other issues were mentioned.

An attempt to reach Mr. Steavey for his victory reaction and plans for office were unsuccessful as he was undergoing an intensive shock therapy session. He will be available for comment next Tuesday.

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