Written by Harold Q. Fuey
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

image for SuBo fanatics apologise!
A mere youngster!

The new owners of the Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies favourite meeting place today sensationally apologised to everyone they ever banned! In a shock statement the new head chief fanatic said "We're really sorry to the hundreds of innocent people we banned from our meeting place without any good reason at all. We apologise for all the lies we published about them, and welcome them all back with open arms!"

Fans from the banned and damned community were somewhat cynical about the announcement. "Given that their membership is down to about 3 fanatics, 2 goats, and a lame dog called Derek who wandered in to their office one day, it would seem this is a feeble attempt to ramp up their membership!" said a fan wearing a nice purple scarf.

"I would rather have hot wax dripped into my eyeballs than frequent that shitefest ever again!" groaned a fan from Scotland. "At least that way I wouldn't be able to read any of their endless crap. I'm still trying to de-bless myself from last time!" he continued.

A rogue member deep inside the fanatical cult revealed "We've just basically pissed away $8000 on this place. We've got to try and make some money somehow! Hell, we'll even have people back with a sense of humour if it'll make up the numbers! We'll even consider people who don't pray 24 hours a day if things get really desperate!"

This is, of course, a complete load of nonsense. Pigs will fly and hell will freeze over before the loonies ever apologise to anyone!

Meanwhile, in a further attempt to ramp up the numbers, the loonies have created a special room for fanatics under the age of 90. "So far we've had no takers," grumbled a chief fanatic. "But the 'I was born in the 12th Century' room is as busy as ever!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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