Kennedy Space Center, Florida - BP and NASA announced today that a new mission to monitor deep sea oil spills to aid in the forecast of coastal pollution along the Gulf Coast will be launched as soon as practical.
The Global Oil Observatory, GOO Mission, will be launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station late this summer in response to all the bleeding heart liberals complaining about the modest oil spill in the Gulf from the BP Deepwater Horizons Oil Platform. The GOO Mission will detect, track, and forecast oil density and deposition relative to real-time sea current data.
Tony Hayward, BP CEO, said "We are hoping that sending up a satellite, BP will gain some degree of public sentiment and sympathy". Hayward continued, "Americans can be rather pissy about things of this nature, but fortunately they also possess very short attention spans and a misdirection move like this would give us the distance we need to gain more unregulated profits".
GOO Mission Manager, Fernando Lavage said, "We are pleased with BP's decision to employ a few thousand NASA employees that would otherwise be forced to take jobs cleaning the coastlines in Florida after the retirement of the Shuttle in November". NASA says that GOO will be able to detect a slick as small as a little Jerry Curl juice in a doughboy pool from orbit.
While there is some speculation on how BP will distribute the data it collects from the GOO satellite, oil industry analysts applaud the smoke and mirrors move and look forward to BP stock rising as fast as the PPM of oil and dispersant in the Gulf.