Written by funwithwords
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Wednesday, 30 June 2010

image for Hordes of Ex-Catholic Priests Stage "Santa for Kids" Convention in July
Having a Ball, Approximately 1200 Catholic Ex-Priests Servicing the Area's Children

Bloomington, Minnesota, July 1, 2010 -- A huge convention of Catholic ex-priests descended on the Mall of America today for the purpose of paying special attention to the area's children.

"It's only once per year that we get to play Santa for the kiddos," one defrocked priest explained. "So, a few of us got together and thought, why don't we have a Santa for Kids convention in July? And so the rest is history."

Although many of the children in attendance seemed confused by the mass display of Santas in July, most embraced the festive occasion enthusiastically.

"I want a bicycle for the 4th of July!" one confused but excited little boy exclaimed whilst being bounced up and down on one of Santa's knees.

"The 4th of July?" the Santa inquired. "Yeah, my old bike was stolen," the boy explained. "Well, the 4th is for fireworks. But, you just be a good little boy and I'll see what I can do when Christmas comes, Ho! Ho! Ho!" the Santa instructed as he gently stroked the boy's leg.

Soon, the child was nudged away so as to make room for the next little boy waiting anxiously in line, who, as it turns out, had his hopes up for a new bike on the 4th of July as well.

All in all, the occasion was deemed a success despite initial confusion surrounding the event.

"We had far more Santas than kids," one of the snow white bearded ex-priests declared. "But I think it's a great way to remind the children that we're halfway there! I'm so excited, the children are excited, it's just great fun for all," the jolly ex-priest continued.

Ironically however, no effort was made to identify the Santas as former priests of the Catholic church.

"Well that was unnecessary," said another Santa whilst on 15-minute cigarette break. "To attribute today's festivities to one Christian denomination would merely serve to limit the event's exposure," he explained. "So, we chose maximum exposure instead. And I think the children benefited in the end."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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