NEW YORK CITY - In a move aimed at showing the fans that the New York Yankee management still runs the show, executives have come out with a rather unique directive.
Effective immediately the New York Yankee Organization has issued a ban on the bringing into the stadium of any iPads, Maxi-Pads, and Pantiliners.
Elmer P. Von Puddle, Jr., who is the team director of rules, regulations, and guidelines stated that some of the more brazen fans have been abusing the iPad issue since iPads were first issued.
Von Puddle went on to say that the New York Yankee organization is one of the most liberally liberal sports entities in the entire nation, and that includes Alaska, which is so far away from America that no one really gives a sh*t about it.
Another state that no one gives a rat's ass about anymore is the rebellious state of Arizona which has been placed in a probationary status by the United States government headed by, as Arizonians refer to him, King Barack the First, otherwise known as Brobama.
Brobama was asked about the new Yankee Stadium directive. He replied by saying, "Well now, let me be perfectly clear on dis. I understand exactly where da hell Yankee management is coming from. Dey only want ta protect der invested investment and make sure dat dey continue ta rake in da mofoing fan dollars left and right."
The president continued by saying that other sports organizations do the same thing but in different areas. He said "Fo example, da Green Bay Packers organization charges $19 for cheese nachos. The Miami Dolphins organization charges $17 for a small glass of orange juice. And da Arizona Diamondbacks organization charges $83 for a Tamale-on-a-Stick."
King Barack the First, went on to say "My fellow Americans of different persuasions, religious affiliations, and paper or plastic opiners. Is what da Diamondbacks group doing considered price gouging? Hell yes. And you can bet your grandmama's dentures on dat.
But people, let me make it clear dat folks is not gonna get away wiff pullin' dat shi* on my watch. Because ta be frank widya, dat type of horses*it ain't gonna fly, no way, no how, no sh*it. My name is Barack "Barry" Obama and I approve of dis message."
In related news. Arizona has just passed a bill giving the state the right to electrify the border fence. The state's attorney general says that he is in the process of preparing for thousands and thousands and thousands of lawsuits.