BP officials are struggling with the latest surge of oil from the out of control oil well in the Gulf of Mexico. Efforts to cover it with a large block of concrete and cap it with an ordinary plastic kitchen funnel have proved fruitless, only serving to direct the oil upwards to the surface and inexorably to the Louisiana coast.
The latest efforts to control the oil flow by using errant youths to siphon it into an 86 Pontiac Parisienne parked outside of a Blockbusters near the Superdome also failed when the youths left soon after filling their tank with sixteen gallons of unrefined Sweet Brent Crude.
Governor Bobby Jindal says the only hope for Louisiana is the momentum of the oil surge.
"Experts tell us that the surge in oil may go right up the Mississippi. With any luck it will pass right though the state and be in St. Louis within a week, leaving us to just do a light wet-mopping to clean things up."
'Exxon Mobil hopes they can skim off some of the slick as it passes through Baton Rouge and redirect it to their refineries there which will offset some of the clean-up charges we will face going forward."
"If all this works we may be able to stop the slick before it reaches Minneapolis and the headwaters of the Mississippi in Lake Itasca."