Written by Harold Q. Fuey

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Topics: Susan Boyle

Monday, 24 May 2010

image for SuBo fanatics call in the detectives!
Find those fanatics!

Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies last night called in detectives to search for 51,000 missing fanatics. The loonies, who recently staged a management buyout of their beloved meeting place, were told to expect 52,000 members but could only find around 1,000 when they arrived to take over.

"We're very confused," grumbled the new head chief fanatic. "We were distinctly told to expect 52,000 members. Only 1,000 are accounted for, so we have to assume all the others are missing. We had no choice but to call in detectives."

"We are, of course, praying for the missing members, their families, pets, possessions, friends, houses, the slugs at the bottom of their gardens, and anything else with or without a pulse!" said some fanatics praying. "Would you like a Pebbles button? We have plenty pre-blessed and ready to go!" continued the fanatics.

"The fanatics claim around 51,000 people are missing. Frankly, we don't think they were ever there to start with," said a detective.

Meanwhile, the new chief fanatics were putting the finishing touches to their buyout plans. "It's all very simple!" said one of the new chief fanatics. "Each member with a wealthy husband will own three nineteenths of eight ninths of the issued equity, staff members will own five eighths of six fifteenths of the equity (unless they've banned more than fifteen people, in which case they'll receive seven eighths), and everyone else will own two ninetieths of nothing (unless they're called Susan, in which case they'll own six seventieths of nothing). See, simple and transparent!" grinned the fanatic.

It is thought unlikely any of the 'missing' members will be found, having most likely gone and got themselves a life.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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