Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Topics: Death, War, census

Monday, 24 May 2010

image for Census Death Toll Tops 100,000
Two Census Workers Track Down Another Victim

Philadelphia, PA - The bloody 2010 Census has already reached the milestone of 100,000 killed, making it America's bloodiest conflict since World War II. Many more thousands of people have been wounded in the violent house-to-house census count. Thousands of others have disappeared. There seems no end in sight to the brutal fighting.

The Census has been done every ten years since 1790. Grave political and financial upheavals of the last 18 months have caused the average American to no longer trust their government. There is tremendous fear of the Census, and it is turning out to be with just cause.

Census workers have been going door-to-door on a search-and destroy mission. They aren't taking any prisoners. Anyone who did not respond by April 1 can expect a 'visit'.

There are rumors of census workers butchering entire families. Many children have witnessed their parents being executed right before their eyes by these 'census takers'. Reports of census workers skinning people alive are common.

The Philadelphia area has suffered greatly since the census began. Local census takers have been ordered to knock only once on a person's door. If there is no answer, the Air Force is called in. Entire neighborhoods in the city have been obliterated, with very heavy collateral damage.

Eventually, the 2010 Census will end, probably sometime in 2019. The final death toll should be in the millions. It's just one more way the Federal Government likes to keep in touch with its citizens.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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