In the latest (and hopefully final) twist in the Jeff Gannon/ James Guckert story, or ‘The Gift That Keeps on Giving' as most satirical websites prefer to think of it, Mr. Guckert is reportedly considering legal action against the Liberal web bloggers who out-ed him as a Gay Conservative Republican Christian Homosexual Military Prostitute Commentator and White House Press Reporter (whew).
Mr. Guckert's planned suit would seek as yet unnamed damages from watchdog groups like Media Matters for America and it's founder David Brock for the harm caused to his reputation by the exposure of his homosexual prostitution websites. Mr. Guckert rightly believes that the exposure of illegal gay prostitution activities, his role in the Valerie Plame fiasco and complete lack of journalistic credentials have irreparably damaged his career, at least as a White House Reporter. On the other hand Mr. Guckert is expected to be able to make up any financial shortfall by acting as a guest host on the Jerry Springer Show, Firing Line and the Seven Hundred Club.
Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "The President remains continually shocked and saddened that Mr. Guckert has been exposed...and by exposed I don't mean literally exposed like on his websites, but exposed as a White House Shill, which is far more serious. George W. Bush was hoping that the news this week could be focused on all the positive aspects of his second term like his trip to Brussels, his gutting of Social Security and the pot smoking of his military AWOL days."
Continuing to speak anonymously Waterhouse continued, "You know, you Liberal scum are always going on about diversity. Well, how diverse can one Administration get? Think about it. On the one hand we had an Attorney General who lost his last elective race to a dead man and who was so sexually repressed that he spent eight grand to cover up a statues naked breast, a White House Consul that advocated torture, an Education Department that paid Oprah Winfrey's boyfriends company a quarter million dollars to illegally tout it's policies and a Chief of Staffs office who allegedly who exposed one of it's countries own CIA agents for revenge, not to mention a Gay Conservative Republican Christian Homosexual Military Prostitute Commentator and White House Press Reporter (whew), all of whom are led by a former pot smoking AWOL non-combat pilot who views himself as a War President. If you ask me, that's pretty fucking diverse."