Written by Bureau
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 23 May 2010

image for Obama Announces Ways To Bailout U.S. Economy. Wasn't Aware Viagra Was In Health Bill!
"RELAX!! I Got It All Figured Out!"

"That's not to say that we are in bad shape", stated the President. "We've been in debt most of my lifetime but I inadvertently ran it up higher than I intended, because of some bad advice."

(YOU LIE!!)

"Ahem. So we must start raising the taxes a bit to help pay for all these welfare programs some lowlifes sneaked into the budget."

(YOU LIE!!)

"Thank you officer. This type of stuff is what makes a man make a mistake and almost bankrupt the whole country. For instance, I never intended that Viagra and Levitra be covered by the new health care system. Apparently that added another $500,000,000 to the bill. I'd change it but it's already been approved and is firmly in, though we may jiggle it a bit."

"Now, I want to switch tactics.. I mean, switch viewpoints here and work from a positive position:

Here is a list of things I am changing immediately to save the country as much money as it can..before IT cans. First of all, I have upped the speed limits on all passenger planes from 500 MPH to 750 MPH. I haven't talked to the airline people about this yet, but I'm sure they will all be for this as it will take less time to get people to their destinations."

"Number two: Everybody flies in swim wear. Lines will move three times as fast. In the winter, you can put on woolly coats at the airport until your other clothes arrive."

"Number three: A tax break for any money donated to the United States government up to $5,000."

"Shit! There went my batteries. Well, you think these over and send any suggestions directly to me...Except that 'You Lie' jibber jabber."

Make Bureau's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 plus 1?

7 5 13 6

Go to top