In what many observers are calling another attempt to make lemonade out of lemons, President Obama announced today that the gulf coast region has been designated a National mosh pit.
The president stated, "In designating this area a national treasure, the government is guaranteeing that people from all across America can come to the gulf coast region and mosh to their heart's content. We are joined in this effort by BP Petroleum who promises they will keep the oil flowing for as long as oil continues to gush from the ocean's floor. We are grateful to them for that and we welcome them as partners in honoring and preserving America's national wonders."
The president left the podium without taking questions.
Ken Salazar, Interior Secretary, took the podium and talked of the many benefits that will come to the gulf coast area from the designation.
"We expect more visitors than Mt. Rushmore and all of the other national parks combined. A family of four can visit the region at little expense and Mosh across hundreds of miles of pristine beaches and marshlands. They can clean ducks and other wildlife, watch colorfully dressed natives as they stand in line for food stamps and welfare checks. And don't forget the moshing, the biggest and finest in the world."
The first TV ads are to begin this week. They show a vast panorama of the oil covered gulf coast with a voice over that speaks with a lilting tone, "Transportation for a family of four to Mosh Pit Lollapalooza, two hundred dollars, meals and lodging, four hundred dollars, sight seeing and gratuities, five hundred dollars, arriving back home in suburban Minneapolis and finding oil coming out of your water faucets----------priceless!"