In an effort to help get average Americans interested in exercise, the Obama Administration has named documentary filmmaker Michael Moore as the Presidential Fitness Czar.
Long known for his highly accurate documentaries concerning everything from war to healthcare, Michael Moore has had little time to focus on fitness. However, he is up for the challenge and honored to be part of the Obama team of supremely competent Czars.
The other day at a fast food restaurant where he was finishing off his third double patty hamburger, Mr. Moore took time out to reflect on his past and the challenges that lay ahead. As tiny bits of burger rolled down his chin onto his ketchup stained flannel shirt, Moore swallowed then began to speak, "You know it was only two years ago that I thought I would always be the outsider, the guy that never got to be a part of anything remotely associated with the (burrrrrrrrrp) likes of a Presidential Administration. What this shows is, if you train hard enough, and put in the effort, anything can happen in the United States of America."
When asked what his plans are, especially for attacking childhood obesity, Michael Moore says he plans to hit the ground running. "You know, more than anything, it's these damn violent video games that are causing all the problems. Back in my childhood, if you wanted to see something violent, you had to walk to the movie theater. My plan is to set up Michael Moore movie theaters all over the country where kids can come and enjoy my movies and have some popcorn. If they behave, they'll get extra butter and more soda. This way, they'll get education and fitness, all in one package."
Mr. Moore went on to explain the sweet sorrow of leaving his film career behind. "Sure, I'll miss making anti-right wing movies, but hey, we won the revolution. We're in the new world now, and Obama has pretty much straightened everything out. I have to face the fact that my documentary filmmaking isn't as necessary as it once was."
Before leaving the restaurant, Michael made one last trip to the counter to order some extra fries. "Gotta have something for the road," he quipped. "You know, to tell you the truth, the job I always hoped Obama would give me was Food Czar. I'm a natural at it. Oh well, you have to start somewhere. Maybe in a few years I can work my way up to it."