Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: Sex, Miss USA, Michigan

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

image for Men Across America Intimate with Miss Michigan
Too Many FIngers, But You get the Idea. Grip it Gently, Fellas.

While the current Miss Michigan and now Miss USA title holder, Rima Fakih remains embroiled in controversy over her past photographic exploits, millions of men across America now reluctantly admit to having intimate relations with Miss Michigan.

Fakih's publicist, Anita Hardwunn, was quick to refute those claims saying that it would be literally if not physically impossible for Ms. Fakih to have known, in the biblical sense, that many men. "Seriously, these are just empty, petty claims by men who couldn't get a date if their lives depended on it. Give me their numbers and I'll call each and every one of them".

"They're missing the joke", says Michigan Congressman Richard Littlenob. "Call me Dick", he insisted. "Dating Miss Michigan means a little something different, it's embarrassing, but you would have to look at the shape of the state to get the drift". Indeed. To infer that you are regularly intimate with Miss Michigan would actually mean that you could never hope to date the real thing.

Though Hardwunn continued to defend Fakih against increasing intimate relationship claims, one reporter called out, "The state is in the shape of a right hand. Ya know, they are dating their own right hand? Get it, or do we need to demonstrate?" Hardwunn replied, "So it's like the female equivalent of dating Bob, the Battery Operated Boyfriend?"

Fakih was reported to be flattered, but not motivated enough to make a comment and get herself into more hot water. Littlenob commented, "Her stripper pole pictures are enough to help us with tonight's date, and I don't even have to buy dinner".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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