In what some sources are calling an effort to "make lemonade out of lemons," BP Oil announced today its entry into the soft drink market.
"Bubble Up is a drink for all America," said the spokesperson. "It is not only good to drink, but its health benefits are too numerous to mention. It is a colon cleanser par excellence, and will make those aching joints feel like a well oiled machine. Seniors are recommended to drink at least one can of the brew every three months or 3000 miles, whichever comes first, and the kids are going to love the little toy derricks we are giving away with each six pack."
The spokesman continued, "Our marketing program is to blanket America with the good news of Bubble Up with radio, TV, and billboard ads. The best news is, there is a flavor for every taste: Regular, High Test (with a hint of lime), Shrimperoo, and Oyster Cocktail, are just some of the zesty flavors."
First billboards of Bubble Up will appear in the gulf coast region this week and feature the new can-- a twelve- ounce aluminum can in the shape of a little oil barrel. Twenty-ounce cans are named: The Gusher. The billboard features a large cut-out of Sarah Palin holding a Bubble Up can in the air and shouting out: "Swill,Baby,Swill!"
"If you liked our oil, you're going to love our Bubble Up, finished the spokesman." He did not note the disclaimer that appears in small print on each can: "Do not ingest this product if you are nursing, pregnant, or ever hope to become pregnant. For an erection and/or diarrhea lasting more than four hours, don't call your doctor. You are simply: SOL.