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Wednesday, 19 May 2010

image for Specter Loses Pennsylvania Senate Seat After Leaving It Unattended While In Toilet; 'Urine-Ur-Out', chanted Rendell support crowd in spontaneous demonstration outside Senate 'loo'
Former Seat of Senator Arlen Specter.

Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, who unwisely bolted the Senate floor for a quick trip to the loo today, may now forever lose his plush Senate seat to Rep. Joe Sestak, who apparently has better bladder control.

Mr. Specter, 80, lost his 'dibs' for a sixth term in said Senate seat - despite the backing of a wide swath of the Democratic political establishment, including champion bladder control Democrat President Obama to Ed 'Steel Kidneys' Rendell, governor of Pennsylvania.

"It's been a great privilege to serve the people of Pennsylvania," said Mr. Specter, looking annoyed but 'relieved', as he delivered a brief concession speech while still shaking the tap water from his hands. "I'll be working hard for the people of Pennsylvania in the coming months and promise never again to be bested by my bladder."

In a related election that sent waves of urinary anxiety through political leaders in Washington, Rand Paul, one of the early leaders of the Tea-Bagger-Bugger movement, won the Republican Senate primary in Kentucky;delivering a powerful blow to the party's longstanding heterosexual establishment and offering the clearest evidence yet of the kidney control exhibited at the grass-roots level.

Mr. Paul, the son of Representative Ron 'Pull My Finger' Paul of Texas, easily defeated Trey Grayson, recent derby winner from Kentucky. Kentucky voters inexplicably turned against Mr. Grayson even though he had the support of the state's best-known racehorses and jockeys.

"I have a message," Mr. Paul said, delivering a victory speech in Bowling Green's famous Bowling Alley & Bar. "A message from the Tea Bagger Buggers. A message that is loud and clear and does not mince words: We have come to take our government... from behind."

The defeat of Mr. Specter will end one of the longest careers in Senate toilet history and says a great deal about the advisability of installing more toilets outside the Senate chambers.

Mr. Paul's win says even more: voters prefer sneaky buggers over horses, on any day ending in 'y'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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