EL CENTRO, California - The California-Mexico border was rumbled with an earthquake measuring 5.1 on the Richter Scale.
The daytime dispatcher for the El Centro Police Department, Orion Orville Fragglefaust, Jr., said that there were reports of some damage, mostly to tire shops, auto repair shops, used car lots, and the huge state of the art KIA Automobile Factory, where there were reports that seven Korean workers were injured by flying fortune cookies.
The mayor of El Centro, Vincent Dibblesprocket, noted that his office had received numerous calls asking if by any chance 603 pound Gabourney Sidibe was in the city.
The mayor's assistant, Katarina Twittytucker, noted that Miss Sidibe was in fact visiting El Centro and was registered at The Sacajawea Motel.
An eyewitness, Dingus Googenhut, 43, said that he and his grandmother, Kaycee Vernetta "Sissy" Googenhut, 87, were out sunbathing by the pool when Miss Sidibe approached from the motel lobby wearing a two piece, yes a two-piece red white and blue bikini swimsuit.
Dingus said that his grandmother remarked that the woman looked like the biggest American flag she had ever seen.
Grandmother and grandson watched in extreme surprise and horror as Sidibe got a running start and jumped into the pool making what has got to be one of the biggest pool splashes in the history of pool splashes.
The motel manager Bernard W. Clayfish, said that the only other time he had seen such a tremendous water splash was three years ago when he was at SeaWorld in San Diego and he saw a 2,000 Orca Whale jump 20 feet into the air.
Dingus Googenhut and Bernard W. Clayfish said that almost immediately they felt the 5.1 earthquake hit. It shook the motel buildings for about 18 seconds and was so intense that it ended up picking Sidibe up from the middle of the pool and tossing her out into the motel parking lot, a good 80 yards away.
The two men ran over to Sidibe and asked if she was hurt. She said that when she landed she believes that she may have severely bruised her ass. She asked for one of the two men to take down her bikini bottom and check her bottom out.
The two men looked at each other. Neither moved. Finally Clayfish took out a quarter and said call it.
"Heads," Googenhut said.
"Tails it is." Clayfish yelled out, "So Mr. Googenhut you get the task of taking down Shamu, I mean Gabourney's bikini bottom and checking out her expansive ass for bruises."
Googenhut walked over to Miss Sidibe. He looked at the monstrosity and told her that he would write her a check for $200 if he could pass on taking a look at her butt.
"You got it sucka. Make the damn check out to Gabourney Sidibe, that's G-a-b-o-u-r-n-e-y, S-i-d-i-b-e."
In other news. Rush Limbaugh has said that he is so fed up with the way President Obama has been running the country that he has decided to leave the country and move to Iceland. When the president heard El Rusho's remark he reportedly told Vice-President Joe Biden, "Great. I'm glad to hear that old lardass is gettin' his effen racist ass out of America and I hope he don't let the freakin door hit him in his mofoing ass."