"I hope Greece, Italy and Britain are watching closely as I, President of the United States of Ken..America, Nobel Prize winner and other prize winner, some from my enemies, tell you how we will pay off all our national debt by November."
With those words, the nation listened intently, well 49% listened even if not intently as he continued.
"How can we pay off $13 trillion dollars in debt...maybe $16 trillion if my health care bill gets a few more twists! It's really simple. We print out $16 trillion more dollars and send it to all the people we owe."
"You see, our Secretary of Treasury, Tim Geithner, has found that we have a couple of trillion dollars that have been in storage for years, just last week. I guess Reagan socked that back. You remember the old tightass."
(Some mumbling in the background and a "LOOKOUT SHOE INCOMING!)
"So we all know that today's dollar is only worth about 20 cents of what it was worth back when..SHOE!!...that great President and patriot, Ronald Reagan, was in office."
"So we are cashing in those $2.5 trillion into today's equivalent of $12.5 trillion! We'll just shred the old and print the new."
"Thus, all our debts and new social programs are paid for in full!"
"If there are any questions, my Vice President, Joe Biden will be happy to explain in more details."
("I gotta go to Europe...I'd wear a hockey mask if I were you, Joe.")