Written by C. Cranium
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Topics: Sex

Thursday, 13 May 2010

image for Sexual Dichotomy - Natural Order Blown Away by the 21st Century
Vive la What Difference?

Clothing, the pill, women in the infantry, men in drag, stay at home dads, unisex clothes, all blur the natural order of yin and yang. 'Yin & Yang Sports Drinks' further confuse the issue. What sex is a pink drink called 'Testosterone Booster'?

Despite the few genetic mutations in the last two hundred thousand years humans are basically Cro-Magnons dressed by the likes of Harrod's or Pennys's -- hunter-gatherers with a driver's license and a cell phone. And like many mammal species there are obvious and marked differences in the sexes. Cats are a mystery, but there is always the exception, and cows more than make up for the felis catus. No fooling a good healthy bull.

The penis marks human gender distinction, which might as well be a For Sale sign that means male. Breasts and no penis is a Sold Sign that means female. The difference is easy enough to see with no clothes. Evolution chose to get rid of human body hair and now clothes confuse the gender determination, but dogs got it down.

Women tend to be smaller than men in stature and larger in verbal acuity. Why is that? The opposite view is actually the reason - men are larger because … What better way to have the largest possible load of firewood carried back to camp than the increased load capacity of men? Firewood doesn't need reasoning, nurturing, or nagging; it just needs non-verbal brute force. Who better suited than a man?

Who picks up the log to get the yummy grubs? Possibly the hungriest individual gets the grubs, unless it's a big honking log and then men and boys are called into action.

Hunting is another mostly sex-based distinction. Exceptions certainly happen but for obvious reasons it not a good idea to do a lot of talking when game is near. The less one talks the better off you are while waiting for the antelope to take another step towards a clear shot. Chatty behavior does not a hunter make, nor does it help carry ninety pound mammoth roasts back to the home cave.

As a stay at home reporter, I'm confused by the seemingly gender based need for regular vacuuming and clean windows. Aren't the World Cup and NBA finals more important? My skills at clothes folding are basically ordered wadding, and I've given the task considerable effort. What's wrong with wearing a shirt for five days -- doesn't spaghetti sauce spill add character? And what the heck is verbal acuity good for? Seems as if no one has ever heard of the perfectly good increasing volume technique? Viva la what Difference.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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