Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Arizona, Arkansas

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

image for Arkansas's New Motto: "Hey Y'all Come On Over and Sit A Spell, We Ain't Like Arizona"
The Lieutenant Governor of the state of Arkansas Clyde "Bubbaface" Gritflicker.

LITTLE ROCK - The Lieutenant governor of Arkansas, Clyde "Bubbaface" Gritflicker, who is in charge of The Arkansas Department of Marriage and Tourism, stated that he has come up with a brand new idea to generate interest in the little anvil-looking state.

Gritflicker pointed out that at the moment the one state in the entire 48, (Gritflicker does not include Alaska or Hawaii) that is dead last in tourism is the 'Teabag' state of Arizona.

He said that the way things are going, after the state having passed that Immigration Bill #987-234-9 aka "The Non-Olé Bill", it looks like President Obama will be trying his damnedest to see that Arizona becomes nothing more than a big gigantic parking lot for the folks in California.

The president has already stated that the remaining 87,590 stimulus packages that were to have gone to Arizona will now instead be given to the poor people of Bolivia, Botswana, and Belgium.

Lieutenant Governor Gritflicker said that he, the governor, and their respective wives, Betty Sue, and Sue Betty, all want to try and dispel the traditionally believed tradition that everyone in Arkansas goes around marrying their cousins, or nephews, or grandmothers.

Gritflicker said that, that misconcepted misconception is no longer conceptually true. Yes, he said, granted once in a blue moon, we'll see a 14-year-old boy, like Billy Bobby Frixx, who lives deep in the backwoods develop some kind of weird ass butterbags attraction towards his grandmother but that's pretty much the exception to the rule instead of the norm.

The lieutenant governor proudly boasted that in the neighborhood in which he resides, Cornbread Corners, he does not know of any couples who are married to a relative except for Mr. and Mrs. Bobby Bob Hoochmaker.

He noted that the Hoochmakers are biological twins who were raised by an Eskimo woman who told the twins when they were only three that they were both adopted; one from a Ukrainian weight lifting woman, and the other from a door-to-door spear salesman from Zimbabwe. But again that is the exception to the rule.

Lieutenant Governor Gritflicker says that the state of Arkansas will be taking out adds in several Arizona newspapers, which will be printed in Spanish, asking that any unhappy Spanish folks currently residing in Arizona contact him and he will pay for them to travel to Arkansas and see about becoming a permanent resident of his beloved state.

The Arkansas state senate has passed a bill stating that if any married residents of Arkansas who are married to a relative agree to get divorced the state will pay both parties $275 each and they will throw in a nifty Ronco Cornbread Maker as well.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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