CCN (Crazy Cal News)- Houston - BP CEO Tony Hayward, after passing the blame for the oil spill between its company, Halliburton, and Transocean, valiantly engineered plans to save the coast line of the United States.
After The Three Stooges of deepwater oil drilling were being grilled at Senate hearings yesterday, they felt that it was only right to show the world the extraordinary lengths they are going to in order to protect the coast of the U.S.
BP has already started lifting in huge sand bags by helicopter and placing them along the Louisiana coast. Unfortunately, protecting the Louisiana coast isn't all that will need protecting if the oil continues to flow. Their latest plan to safeguard the coast involves sandbagging the entire U.S. coast.
Since sandbagging the whole coast will require a LOT of sand, BP started searching for a source of sand close enough to be effectively hauled to the coast to fill the enormous sand bags so that they may be lifted by helicopter into their positions.
"We considered New Mexico," said Hayward, "but we determined that Arizona would be the best bet. There are a lot of top secret U.S. government projects going on in New Mexico, so they wouldn't allow us to dig there. The only thing in Arizona is a bunch of Teabaggers who won't care if we dig up their entire state if it's the good of America."
BP is expected to round up as many illegal immigrants as possible to assist in the digging.
When asked if the residents of Arizona would object to BP using illegal aliens, Haward replied, "We're BP and we really don't care what they think. We need cheap labor and illegal aliens are the ticket. If there aren't enough illegal Mexicans out there, we'll hire some illegal aliens from Roswell to dig too. We have enough politicians in our back pocket to get away with anything! We'll turn those Teabaggers into sand baggers!"