Written by emccorm
Print this

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

image for Sierra Club Wants to Ban In Ground Burials
The Sierra Clubs wants to close all cemetaries like this one.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- The Sierra Club, reputedly America's oldest, largest, and most influential grassroots environmental organization has begun a major campaign today to lobby Congress to ban traditional in ground burials.

Their presser states that caskets are actually loaded with formaldehyde based glues, toxic wood stains and paint that typically contain high amounts of VOC's which will off-gas into the surrounding ground polluting it for years to come. Not to mention the high levels of toxins being released from the mass of formaldehyde pumped into a decomposing body.

Combine a single burial with the many hundreds - sometimes thousands - in a typical cemetery and you have a formula for serious pollution that far exceeds an oil leak from defective underground oil tank. There are about 2,330,000 burials per year.

Even cremation, a poor alternative, with about 470,915 per year introduces considerable CO2 into the atmosphere adding to global warming.

The Club insists that the most responsible way to honor the dead is ocean burial to create an artificial reef for sea creatures and recycle the newly deceased.

Spokesperson for the Sierra Club, Mathew Knipperson stated, "It is our responsibility to be environmental stewards and to consider the repercussions of our actions especially since our population is aging at a more rapid rate than previous generations and we could be filling the land around us with pollution producing cadavers. It is time we searched for a sensible alternate in order to save our planet. Building artificial burial reefs appear to be the least damaging to our environment."

The Sierra Club, inspired by nature, consists of 1.3 million members throughout the country working together to protect our communities and the planet.

Make emccorm's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 2?

6 14 7 8
46 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more