Wadington (Spoof International News) Howard Dean was today defeated in his bid to become Chairman of the Democratic National Committee by none other than the write-in candidate, George W. Bush.
"Yes, I am surprised by the news," said Mr. Bush at informal pancake breakfast held on Saturday morning. "But I'm not surprised that, in a vote taken amongst 100% registered democrats, that Howard Dean was defeated. I guess I'm just on a roll."
Some Democrats were reportedly nervous that the election of Dean would galvanize Republicans. Dean has been an outspoken foe of the Iraq war from the beginning.
In his concession speech, Dean was anything but apologetic for his stance on the war.
Even as the loser, he laid out what had been his plan for re-energizing the party.
"We don't want Republicans telling America what the Democratic agenda is. At least not any more," said Dean. "The Republicans wandered around in the political wilderness for 40 years. Why, we've just barely started"
"We lost control of the Presidency, the Senate, and the House. Now, friends," Dean went on, "I have good news. We have nowhere to go but up."
Dean purposefully avoided the heated and emotional style of his infamous "scream" speech which made so much fodder for late night TV and morning radio. At times during his speech, he seemed to have forgotten he had indeed lost, and almost broke out with his customary fervor; his handlers held him off though.
Dean went on to talk about the 2006 budget, submitted only last week by the Bush administration. "My God…I didn't know so many zeroes existed," said Dean. "I didn't realize that the budget was now figured out by ex-Enron and ex-Worldcomm employees. Don't get me wrong; I'm glad they got jobs. I just wish they'd gotten them in North Korea or Iran."