Malibu, CA - In a stunning turn, recently-displaced Dancing With The Stars contestant Pamela Anderson is donating several hundred of her old breast implants to the U.S. EPA and British Petroleum, in the hopes of suffocating the leaking oil site deep in the Gulf of Mexico.
"I just can't sit here jiggling and doing nothing, especially since I won't be sex-dancing on TV anymore," humanitarian Pam said. "This tragic incident has the potential for so much more destruction, especially to our beloved animals such as crawfish and mud-puppies. Plus, I SO enjoy my nude frolicking at South Padre Island every year during spring break, and now THAT'S in jeopardy!"
Details of Ms. Anderson's breast-implants-as-oil-leak-cappers plan are unclear, but officials at BP said they would love to speak to her about it. "We must stay abreast of any and all ideas to nipple, I mean, nip this thing in the bud," said BP spokesman Ted E. Rection. "In fact, we are in contact with Ms. Anderson as we speak to fly her to our headquarters for what we are sure will be a very pointed discussion of the naked truth of the situation."