Written by Cal Jennings
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Topics: Oil, bp

Saturday, 8 May 2010

image for BP Announces New Clean Up Plan - Free Oil!

CCN (Crazy Cal News) Gulf of Mexico - BP announced a new plan to clean up the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill. Today, they will release television commercials and newspaper ads advertising free oil to anyone who can come get it. A BP spokesperson said that they hope that people with motorboats will get 55 gallon drums and pumps to siphon the oil off of the surface.

BP also has a buy back plan in place. They have promised to pay $20 a barrel for the oil recovered by participating boaters. BP executive Ima Nasshole says the plan says the price is reasonable for the recovered oil.

"You can't expect us to pay full price when we paid to make this leak possible. Besides, the oil has been contaminated with sea water so the recovered oil will require more processing."

Billy Bob, head of the Nazi Republicans of West Virginia, having been informed of the plan, said he's ready to participate.

"It's mah dutee as uh Americun citisun to perticipat in this here plan. It will keep the Commie Socialist Marxists from takin' over Americuh. Ah'ma firin' up this here housebote uh mine an' headin' out ta' thuh Gulf jest as soon as mah latest batch uh white litenun finishes runnin' offa mah still. This is all Obama's fault. That oil wouldn'ta leaked iffin he hadn'ta tried ta force health care on us an' let them faggits have rites!"

BP says that if things go according to plan, they won't need to lower the second dome. They expect this new plan will save them hundreds of thousands of dollars.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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