Written by Nick Fudala
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Topics: Science, Mathematics, Pi

Thursday, 6 May 2010

WASHINGTON, DC - Leading scientists and researchers announced today that the long-held value of pi (3.14159265) is incorrect. The new value of pi has been copyrighted and will not be available free of charge. It will instead be made available in digital form for $14.95 and hardcover for $22.95.

When asked why the mathematical constant would not be placed in the public domain, free for use by all, lead research scientist Dr. Barry Evans stated that it wasn't his idea and to "ask someone else." Dr. Evans and his entire research team immediately exited the press conference when pressed to elaborate.

Reaction from the general populace was mixed as some felt the new value of pi would have little or no effect on everyday life while others saw drastic change as inevitable.

"This will change everything," local restaurant worker Lyle Steavey said when told of the news, "this is a really, really big deal. I can't believe this. It makes me question everything that I've ever learned."

Congressional staffer John Richards, on the other hand, was more skeptical about the impact of the discovery.

"You'd have to be a moron to think this will change anything," he said, "it's probably not even true - it's likely a scam. Things have been working fine with the old number. I don't see how a new number will do anything."

Speculation has been rampant, particularly from the many support and new pi enthusiast groups that have sprung up on the internet, about the possible value of the new pi. Proposed values have ranged anywhere from 1.4598763 to 10.33333333. There has also been a proposed value of -4.86731243 from the fringe group "Nu Py," though this has received little serious support.

The new pi will be released on the 18th in New York and Los Angeles and on the 19th nationwide.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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