As millions of Latinos celebrated Cinco de Mayo around the country today, The BP Corporation announced the Sinko de Gulf Coast Day. As thousands of BP lawyers descended on Mississippi, Louisiana, and Alabama with bottles of detergent, most folks along the coast were preparing to leave the area. "Nothing left for us here," said several fishermen. "No use going to North Carolina, Virginia, or Maine, not going to be any fishing there either after this travels up the east coast."
As BP sought to place the best light on the catastrophe saying it was really not that big a deal and it was Halliburton's fault, Halliburton distanced itself stating that Dick Cheney had told them to, "Keep costs low, profits up, don't say anything to anybody, and find a place to hide."
The Reverend Pat Robertson has also issued a statement for Sinko de Gulf Coast Day saying it was God's will and blamed the disaster on immoral wildlife. "Those fish have been fornicating in these waters for far too long, this is just God's way of saying, enough is enough!"
BP has just issued a press release saying they are giving every family in the Gulf States a BP credit card for $25.00 to be used in their travels. The cards will be issued on condition the card holders will not sue BP for anything for the rest of their lives and those of their children.
"We will continue to work with these states," said a BP spokesman "until every one of them is, once again, a well oiled machine. God bless America, God bless the Congress of the United States and God bless the regulators of the oil industry in this great country."