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Wednesday, 5 May 2010

image for Dolly Parton Found Floating "tits up" and Plucked From Raging Nashville River!
Dolly Saved from Nashville Flood; Claims "My Tits Kept Me Afloat!"

Country Music Fans and Mammary Mavens breathed a sigh of relief today when the Coast Guard announced they had plucked Music Legend Dolly Parton from a partially submerged double wide where she had been clinging to the trailer hitch for the past 24 hours.

Nashville, the Music City, and home to the Grand Ole Opry and to many famous recording stars, was hit with a murderous flood when the Cumberland River crested at over 12 feet above its historic 70 year high causing over 25 deaths, and flooding out the downtown entertainment district.

Parton, a musical icon in her own right, was declared missing after the 13" rainstorm and was last seen when she headed out to do some "cat fishin'" last Saturday night down at the river according to her hairdresser.

A thankful Parton said she had 'never given up hope' despite the fact she saw a multitude of Fender guitars, cowboy hats, grand pianos and even a stage coach being swept past her as she clung on for dear life.

"There were times during the night I dreamed of a 'Hillbilly Heaven', I sang into the rain 'Don't Let Me Cross Over' and hummed the bars to "Calm On the Water,", but once I took off my water logged buckskin blouse, my boobs saved me....I was just bobbin' around for Jesus at that point, until those handsome Coast Guard Boys came by, took some pictures, and hauled me aboard that rubber raft!"

Though somewhat wrinkly and a bit nippily, Dolly said she would be as good as new as soon as she toweled off, had a coupla shots of "Jack" (Daniels), and would be head lining a Nashville Flood Concert Benefit and hoped that there would be enough money left over from the Haiti disaster to rebuild the city.

Meanwhile in Washington, President Barack Obama said he couldn't promise any Federal Aid, mostly because it was said, "I can't stand that Cracker Music!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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