Written by Tawdry Soup
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Monday, 3 May 2010

image for BP Assembles Crack Team to Solve Oil Slick Environmental Disaster
Lets go boys!

In another of a long list of fantastical approaches to stem the PR and environmental disaster enveloping the Gulf Coast and BP that include building a dome over the problem, feeding the oil to a bacteria, and gouging everyone in the world's eyes out so they can't see it, BP has put together a crack team of experts who have proven public appeal as problem solvers.

The expert individual chosen to lead the offshore team is Cap'n Crunch. He is setting sail to the wellhead as soon as the weather calms. Once there, The Little Dutch Boy will don a wet suit and ride Charlie the Tuna 5000 feet to the bottom of the Gulf. Then the boy will stick his finger in the leaky situation as a temporary fix. Then, the Maytag Repairman, who usually has nothing to do, will get together with Josephine the Plumber and work out a permanent stop.

Going along for the ride, in case extra muscle is needed for the operation, are the Luggage Mauling Gorilla, Franken Berry and Count Chocula. The Keebler Elves and Snap Crackle and Pop are available for any work that involves tight spaces. Elsie the Cow and Aunt Jemima will be there to keep everyone's spirits up while they work and keep everyone fed and hydrated.

Back on shore, where the real work begins, Hazel, Mr. Clean, and The White Knight will make several passes on the beach. The Frito Bandito will try to organize the Scrubbing Bubbles for some deep down cleaning action and the California Raisins will provide entertainment. The Kool-Aid Man will be in charge of refreshments..."

This is all in an effort to keep Smoky the Bear and McGruff the Crime Dog from sniffing around due to complaints from the AFLAC Duck, the Vlasic Stork and the Little Mermaid who haven't fared so well during the messy mix up. In fact, The Jolly Green Giant, the Brawny Lumberjack and Rosie the Waitress were called in to try and make it all better for them, before things got uglier than they already are, with little luck.

The Top Executives from BP have already declared success and are telling reporters the worst is over and to "move on-there's nothing to see here." But Madge the Manicurist was overheard responding to the Budweiser Frogs, who asked if the oil slick was really gone like BP said.

She answered with a sarcastic tone - "oh yeah-well you're soaking it in now." Yikes!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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