New York- After a tourist from Oklahoma shockingly stumbled over a curb in downtown Manhattan today, Al Qaeda in Afghanistan quickly claimed responsibility and vowed that Americans should brace for similar and even more devastating attacks.
While the tourist, Randy Smith from Tulsa, Oklahoma, was fortunate to escape with only a skinned knee, both New York and federal authorities noted that it could have been much worse. "Smith was lucky," said New York Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly. "He just as easily could have broken his ankle, or maybe even his wrist. Even worse, other tourists might have tripped over him and also have been injured. We narrowly escaped a tragedy."
Ominously, in a videotaped statement released to Al Jazeera early this morning, Al Qaeda spokesman Ali Ali Oxenfree agreed. Furiously pointing his finger at the camera with one hand while texting on his iPhone with the other, Oxenfree bellowed, "The morally and culturally corrupt westerners can expect much worse over the next several months. Infidels will be tripping all over the United States and in Israel too. And maybe even hitting their heads."
Al Qaeda in Afghanistan also claimed responsibility for the death of a squirrel squished in downtown Los Angeles yesterday evening after inexplicably running into the street.