Written by Jerry Cornelium
Print this
Topics: Women

Saturday, 6 August 2005

image for Woman Who Scalped Teen Objects to Mislabeling
Scalper objects to being mislabeled.

BOISE, ID --- Call it a temper problem. Call is a misplaced sense of moral values. But you better be careful what you call women around 26 year-old Marianne Dahle. She'll scalp you. For real! Just ask her young friend "Sheila". And now that she is in police custody, Dahle has an issue with the punk group she lead being mislabeled as a "clique".

Visibly distraught, Dahle explained that punk rock is not about cliquishness at all.

"Punkers are very egalitarian," she told reporters, who kept inching further and further away from her as she continued to speak. "And to call my groups a clique makes me really upset. It makes me want to jump right out of my skin when the actions of a few psychos make the whole movement look bad. I'm not a bad person."

Two weeks ago, she decided that 16 year-old "Sheila" had disrespected women and thereby forfeit the right to wear the Mohawk haircut characteristic of Punkers. Consequently, Dahle and several members of the group bound the terrified teen to a chair and cut a 6 by 8 inch section out of her scalp.

"It's against our creed to disrespect women," Dahle stated flatly. "Dis women, ditch the do. End of story. I didn‘t mean to cut her scalp off. That was an accident, and I hope she‘ll forgive me. It‘s what friends do, right?"

"Sheila" survived the ordeal, but barely. It was only a few hours ago that she was released from the hospital.

As things stand, she has no intention of forgiving her attacker any time soon.

Prison staff have had to keep Dahle in solitary confinement, not for her protection, but that of the general population.

"She scalped a 16 year-old and she is worried about what people are calling her whack job outfit?" one corrections officer said. "She has some nerve."

Dahle continues to insist that she is not really a violent person and cautions the public not to judge her as a person based on only one action.

"We all should know by now how hurtful is can be to make assumptions and to mislabel people," she said.

Make Jerry Cornelium's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 5?

2 13 11 10
77 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more