Written by Jerry Cornelium
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Prison, Girls

Wednesday, 9 February 2005

image for Perverts Flock to Virginia!
Randy Roger (standing) shows a customer a "Digital Voyeur Tours" brochure.

RICHMOND, VA --- For a while it seemed that the prison gates were about to slam shut on a man caught using his video phone to look up the skirts of teenage girls. But thanks to his attorneys -- and a legal loophole -- Jeffrey S. remains a free man. It's good news not only to him, but to millions of perverts all over the country. Perverts who have seen similar loopholes being closed, one at a time, by various state legislatures. But until the laws there catch up with current technology, it's "Virginia or Bust!"

Immoral entrepreneurs, such as Randy Roger of "Digital Voyeur Tours", are now chartering buses from other states to Virginia's malls, libraries, college campuses and other public locations where citizens have no assumed right of privacy. Tour guests, Roger says, can bring their own digital video phones, or they may rent phones from his company at "reasonable costs".

His customers come in three varieties, Roger explained, and he has tour packages to suit all their tastes "Upskirt, downblouse -- or both."

While the company of other perverts may be titillating to some, there are plenty such digital voyeurs, as they call themselves, who prefer to go solo.

One such person is Alan O. of Homer City, PA.

"Once I found out that you can actually do this sort of thing here without running the risk of being put on some sex offender website, the first thing I did was get myself a AAA membership and a phone plan with lots of roaming minutes," he said. "Those Triptiks are a wonderful thing."

The court decision has created angry outcries among Virginians who are helpless to stem the tide of out-of state lowlifes. Carla Ackerman, who lives in Dumfries, was in tears as she described being victimized by a "downskirt freak" from Maryland.

"My fiancé chased him down two blocks, and the perv got hit by a trash truck," she said. "And now he's looking at two to six for attempted murder. Where is the justice in this?"

Virginia legislators have vowed to take immediate action about what some have called a "repulsive phenomenon", placing a "You Peep, You-Pay" bill on the 2007 calendar.

Meantime, Randy Roger carries cash to the bank by the sackful, while his buses to continue to roll into Virginia.

Make Jerry Cornelium's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 4?

1 5 21 18

Go to top