Written by Kyle Emall
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Topics: Food, Conservatives

Monday, 7 February 2005

image for Political Conservatives Deem Food Pyramid as Heathen Form
How many christian slaves did it take to make this one, Carl asks.

(IRRP)- Political conservatives all over Washington have started to ban together, forming an informal coalition, to ban the use of the Food Pyramid. The Pyramid which has been in use since the 1960's, has gone under revision several times, is once again threatened to extinction. Not because it fails to inform the public on the necessary diet required keeping Americans slim, but because they believe that it represents the Pyramids of Egypt.
"It's not an American Icon that people can identify with," Representative Carl DeGrouse announces, "Furthermore it represents something that is very non-Christian, a belief that is only expressed by a minority in the Mid-East ." Carl also admits not celebrating Halloween, putting up a Christmas tree, and insists calling February 14th St. Valentines day as a way of being politically and religiously correct. "We can't be too safe these days; we need to make a clear message where we stand in this new age of Democracy."-note he suddenly cringed when saying "new age".
This is but a first step in this coalition's battle to remove heathen symbols from politics hidden agenda. The ultimate battle will be when the U.S. currency will come under scrutiny to remove all Masonic symbols, including the eye and the pyramid. Advocates supporting this cause have rendered several drawings to replace the Food Pyramid, including a Food Good Book, and a Fat Crucifixion. Supporters like the 700 Clubhouse, have donated over $250,000 to this project, which was the main reason why many politicians have taken this issue so seriously.
DeGrouse also comments, "This is not a form of a witch hunt, if we wanted to do that we would start with banning the sale of Llewelyn Calendars, and seeing who gripes!"
In a related note, 45 churches have been put under Federal Tax review, all of the having the word Wicca in their title. Carl DeGrouse initiated that investigation, saying that, "these churches have been using the Food Pyramid symbol in more ways than good dieting."
Any Further comments could not be obtained outside of his public speeches. When asked for a personal interview, DeGrouses assistant told us that he was in a camp conference a the Landover Baptist Ministries in south central Iowa for 2 weeks, where he often goes to seek retreat from the hectic Washington scene.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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