The American Military had no idea what secrets its orbital spy plane, X-37b, would reveal but the multi billion dollar program has solved the dating enigma of Twilight stars Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson.
The mini shuttle was launched last week and in addition to being an unmanned laboratory it is equipped with an independent artificial intelligence and programmed to seek the most secretive subjects. Speaking of artificial intelligence, it is no wonder it decided to follow the ongoing saga. As it hovered a thousand miles above the California coast its next generation audio visual technology followed R-Patz to see if his denial of an affair with K-Stew was valid or not.
The trail began at a local Chucky Cheese where K-Stew was found in the bumper cars getting driving lessons from Heather Locklear and later being tutored by Ben Rothleinsberger in order to pass her G.E.D.
Suddenly R-Patz arrived but instead of kneeling down and presenting a wedding ring he whispered something in Big Ben's ear and in a huff the horny football star ran away.
An argument ensued that was quickly dispatched with the arrival of Christian Serratos whose demeanor was 'I'd rather go naked than wear fur' which a hot tub with Rob that night confirmed. Right date drama wrong faux vamp.
The rest of the puzzle was revealed when K-Stew went home alone and after removing make-up went out the back door and took a stand up leak in the bushes.
Mystery solved: K-Stew is a man.