Sarah Palin, potential candidate for the Presidency in 2012, has put in a complaint with the Alaskan State Troopers complaining of Russians peeping in her windows at night. As she once claimed that she "could see Russia from her window"; apparently they can see her as well. Perhaps more of her than she would care for.
"Ah, this here's 'Peeping Ivan's' lookin' in mah windows at night!" stated the former Governor of Alaska in an interview at WASP News Radio in Wasilla, Alaska. "Golly, I don't know what they're up to! Are they tryin' to get some vital National Security secrets from me or just tryin' to see if its only the grizzlies that have brown fur? Either way, it gives me the creeps.
"I lit out after them a couple of times and torched their butts with some rock salt from mah double barrel. Todd set out a couple of bear traps and, sure enough, the next day there was one of them funny Ruskie fur hats in one and part of some really cheap leather boots in another. I'm not so worried about them seein' me nekkid; I mean I see those lard butt women they got in their country and I can sympathize that they want to see some truly luscious voluptuous American flesh, but what if they start peeping in on Bristol?
"Last thing I need is for her to start poppin' out some Russian half-breeds on me. And the second to last thing I need is to find nudie shots of me in various states of showering in some Soviet porn site. No, thanky you!"
The US. Secret Service has been sent out from Washington to watch vigil over the possible future presidents house. Unfortunately, some of them have been getting cheap thrills by taking peeks themselves.
"What do you expect?" stated one agent who refused to identify himself for fear of losing his job. "We're sent up here thousands of miles away from our wives and loved ones to a place where we have to stand around all day in minus 30 degree weather looking buff and observant. Of course we're going to peek in at the only good looking woman around for 30 miles! Damn right we are!"
He then pulled his gun and shot the reporter.