At a research facility studying the effectiveness of political polls a blind squirrel by the name of Rocky was brutally hoofed to death by his long time civil partner Bullwinkle. The two are among a menagerie of retired cartoon stars at the joint and though well into their eighties had given their consent for the testing.
The research is funded as a part of President Obama's Health Care reform and intended to find out why Americans are not buying his Bullwinkle chit and more importantly to discover ways to get the population to agree with his policies.
PETA immediately responded to the tragic event but is still confused whether the recent Supreme Court decision to allow video sales of animal cruelty was a good thing or not. They obtained a video of the event which showed Rocky, who had not been fed for three days, being placed in a dryer set on gentle cycle for fifteen minutes and then released in the paddock where the two legends lived and promised that acorns had been placed.
Rocky has glaucoma and Bullwinkle suffers from arthritis so what the disoriented squirrel thought was a tree turned out to be the hind leg of the famous Moose. Bullwinkle was expecting a gentle nibble or a lick but went insane as Rocky took a healthy bite and in an instant the cute rodent was road kill.
America had always been confused about Rocky's gender and an autopsy was performed on the clump of fur and blood that remained from the stampede. It was verified that the soprano was a hermaphrodite so we still don't really know.
Obama signed an executive order for a day of mourning for the death but declared the tragedy had a silver lining. The final result of the experiment provided new insight to the operation of political polls and as a result the new approval rating for Washington was announced as 98.9% of the population having full confidence with a + or - of 110% reliability.