Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Monday, 19 April 2010

In his press conference this morning, Pestilence Obama stated that he will move to immediately ban future volcanic eruptions. Speaking from his TelePrompter, Obama called for all nations, including Iceland, to eliminate eruptions within the next week or so.

"Although I earlier voted to authorize President Bush to use force to stop these eruptions, I voted against it." When trying to explain this flip flop, he said, "I may have made a mistake in my statement, but he made a mistake in attacking Mt. Saint Helens without seeking 'global approval'. Whose mistake was worse?"

"Now that I am Pestilence and he is not, I will bring together other countries who will help us in this war on eruptions. Although I agree that Mt. Saint Helens was a threat, I would have fought it differently. Look at it now. It is a complete quagmire.

Now that Eyjafallajokull is spewing clouds of toxic smoke that is threatening the economy of our European allies, I will move that we find a way to tax this activity so that all nations will benefit from this geologic malfeasance. And I will personally track down and kill bin Laden in my spare time."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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