Los Angeles, CA: A contentious rally of Neo-Nazis in central Los Angeles erupted into laughter earlier this week as Fascist supporting speakers vehemently denied taunts from hundreds of assembled protesters accusing them of closet homosexuality.
"We are not gay," shouted one World War II era-esque SS uniformed speaker. "Homosexuality is an abomination against God, and a sin to the white race," he screamed as he pounded on his metal spike studded leather codpiece. "You're all going to rot in hell!"
"Oh my God! Oh my God," laughed one protester from suburban Fresno. "They have to warn us before they say things like that. I almost pooped my pants. I have asthma. Laughing this hard can kill me."
A prominent gay rights activist leading a contingent of protesters from San Francisco said, "You know, I normally deplore any mischaracterization of the gay lifestyle. But, come on! I've never seen a bigger group of fags in my life! Then they get up there and say they're not gay? That's just too much. It really turned the day around for all of us.
"Hey, faggots" the activist yelled at the Nazis. "Nice tattoos. You're boyfriend pick those out for you? Come Out! Come Out! Hahahahahaha."
During a respite where an impromptu chorus of "YMCA" by the Village People and numerous "squeals like pigs" from the protesters overwhelmed the public address system, a neo-nazi march organizer expressed his perplexment at the humorous response to their speakers. "I have no idea what they're laughing about," he said. "Just because we are composed entirely of small skinny guys who shave off all their body hair and dress in overly stylized form fitting uniforms and huge, fat, hairy, biker wanna-bes who love wearing lots of leather, people think we're closet gays. These are the weapons of the white race. They are only laughing because they fear our power." The organizer then adjourned himself for a session of compulsive hand washing.
"Chicks really dig us," said another neo-nazi demonstrator. "Especially the skanky meth addict looking ones. Any time I see too much eye makeup and Clorox bleached hair, I think P-A-R-T-Y." The demonstrator then recounted numerous graphic sexual exploits with vaguely identified women "while on vacation" and explained their apparent absence by his being "a lone wolf."
Los Angeles police were pleased with the response to the march. "There were some problems early on," said one identified officer. "We were getting worried that things would start to get ugly, but then they start up with that 'we aren't gay' crap and the whole thing just kind of turned into a block party. You know, laughter really is the best medicine. I know these goofs are serious, but standing up there with their little night sticks and Japanese throwing stars, it's just too much. I wish I had a camera.
Police officials denied the handing out of soap on a rope to officers assigned to the rally was intended as a slight to the demonstrators, but merely "part of a general hygiene campaign." "Safety First!," assured a police captain assigned to the detail.