Barack Obama, also known as 'The Obama' and 'Mr. President', has officially notified the public that he is not, despite all rumours and expectations to the contrary, perfect. He has offered to pay a fine of $16.4 billion to compensate the disappointed planet, many of whom live daily with 'The Obama Effect'.
"Yes," admited a beatific Barack Obama in a hastily called press conference, "I have an imperfection. Just one. It is very slight but I should have brought it to everyone's attention months before, perhaps even during the presidential campaign. I deeply apologize for the suffering this will cause and feel that a fine of $16.4 billion is reasonable damages to the American people. I will also offer to pay a fine to the UN or Red Cross or something. I feel just dreadful about this and want to make it up to absolutely everyone."
"Of course, only a practically perfect person would say and do that," insists House Speaker Mary Poppins somewhat defensively.
When asked if she had known of this defect and what that defect might be, Speaker Poppins refused to comment, only adding, "If big car companies can pony up millions for knowingly killing a few people, I think The Obama's offer of reparations is extremely fair, generous and--" before breaking down into tears right there on the Capitol steps.
Her parrot-headed umbrella and Toyota CEOs had no comment.
Journalists and other muck-rakering rats, U-Tube, the Vatican, the Bush family and nearly half of the US Senate are scurrying to determine the exact nature of Obama's 'defect'.
Twitter is a-twit with speculation.
Senator McCain offered a theory but it is unprintable.
More on this stunning story as it develops.