Former President and inventor of mortgage based derivatives Bill Clinton is lobbying for the Supreme Court vacancy opened by the retirement of 90 year old justice Forest Gump.
Mr. Gump had been in office for 60 years and finally stepped down after news leaked out that every court decision he had commented on for the past seven years was the same; mentioning chocolates, life, and jumbo shrimp.
Opponents to the appointment claim the post is beyond Clinton's scope citing his disbarment for lying in front of the world about Monica Lewinsky (even ignoring the fact she was a dog) not to mention his general lack of giving a chit.
"There is no law in the constitution that says I have to be an attorney. Is there?" Bill offered. "Anyways the only way I could take the position is if Hillary was there to tell me how to make a ruling. I mean I know how to write one up, I think, but the whole law thing is so complicated. Now that we are getting more mature, in dog years, I have to admit I would have been lost all these years without 'that woman'".
Bill Clinton had gone over to the Supreme Court building to check out his new digs and spoke with the current justices and their staff but was visibly shaken when he found out that Washington had a gay and transgender infestation that extended beyond just the Congress.
"Crap they are everywhere and don't get me wrong I support gay rights it's just I'll be stuck in this place for weeks on end and maybe like for thirty or forty years; screw that."
After his brief tour Clinton relayed his regrets to Obama and suggested he select 'that crabby bitch from Wisconsin'.