Written by C. Cranium
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Saturday, 17 April 2010

image for Evolution fights back
Beware if you see yellow in this lawn.

Los Angeles, CA. It is like a horror movie where a benign thing turns into a killing machine. Think of the man-eating bunny in Python's 'Holy Grail', or the novel/movie, 'The Day Of The Triffids'. Now think of something innocuous like the lawn in front of your house and beware because carnivorous dandelions are invading Southern California.

The dandelion, or the yellow blemish, has long been the scourge of lawn aficionados. The flowers are like acne on the lawn and when the flowers go to seed the weed rapidly grabs new territory that is often in the neighbors lawn. Mow it, poison it, or pull it up, it just keeps coming back shorter, taller, meaner, and bigger, as a survival technique.

This reporter can tell you firsthand that now that dandelion infested lawns are just plain unpleasant places to step. Overnight green lawns have become treacherous places to walk, as you are certain to feel stings and bites and arrive at the other side scratched and bleeding.

Noted Evolutionist, Dr. Jonas Pauling of UCLA, has been intrigued by the strange dandelion and has stated that this new variation is a result of evolutionary event called punctuated equilibrium where a species rapidly branches to a new and distinct species in response to survival needs. In this case dandelions are just plain tired of weed and feed, lawn mowers, and weed-puller gadgets, and have evolved to bite if you come near.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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