Written by Cal Jennings
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Tuesday, 13 April 2010

image for Westboro Baptist Church - "We just want to show God's love."
Westboro Baptist Church Dead Miner Protest

Following the recent coal mine explosion that killed 29 miners, Westboro Baptist Church members staged a protest spouting hate in the name of God, carrying banners that say, "Thank God for Dead Miners," "You Will Eat Your Babies," God Hates Your Tears," and shouting execrable phrases directed at the families of the dead miners. When asked why they do such seemingly hideous things, the members shouted in unison, "We just want to show God's love."

When asked how they considered that showing God's love, Fred Phelps replied, "God just LOVES it when we make people who are morning and grief stricken mad enough to kill us. It takes their minds off the heartache that they're going through. When we shout about their dead loved ones going to hell for being killed for being gay, it takes their minds off the loss of their loved ones."

When asked if he and his church members feared being killed by mourning family members, the good preacher replied, "By offering to being God's martyrs in order to break their destructive cycle of mourning, we are bringing the love of God directly to them. If they get mad and kill one of us, we will be given 72 professional hookers in heaven, not 72 of those whiny virgins that the Muslims get. Experience counts for a lot!"

As you can see, Fred Phelps and the members of Westboro Baptist Church are simply misunderstood. They aren't atrocious, despicable, scum bucket slime bags who should have been aborted at conception after all. They are loving, caring people trying hard to rid families of the grief of mourning.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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