Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Topics: Tiger Woods

Monday, 12 April 2010

image for Woman With Ramshackle Ovaries, Clapboard Breasts Sues Tiger
Pucker up, I'm coming in for a slobber job

Helga Emerson, a 40 year old cleaning lady employed by a Las Vegas hotel, claims that Tiger Woods insulted her by denying her sex while she was changing linens on his bed. Helga, who admits to not being as beautiful and sexy as some of Tiger's other paramours, said that she was tired of cleaning up after him and wanted some action herself.

In her lawsuit, she claims that she stripped down to her birthday suit while Tiger was in the shower. When he came out and saw her languishing nekid on his bed, he broke out laughing. "What the Hell are you doing," he yelled. "Besides being old and ugly, you got ramshackle ovaries and clapboard breasts."

Tiger, whose reputation for distributing his vital juices with bosom, over-the-hill porn stars and cocktail waitresses, told poor Helga that he could "ill afford to have his impeccable reputation sullied by someone of her ilk."

RING....RING...."Gloria, can you help me? Tiger wouldn't hose me. Isn't that discrimination"?

"Helga, this is the start of a beautiful relationship."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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