At its conference in Iceland yesterday, the Get Me Outta Here Association (GMOHA), an international group of divorce attorneys, announced that its membership had added a new recommendation about what should be included in pre-nups: proper etiquette for tweeting divorce plans.
There are 98 rules, 95 of them covered in volcanic ash and totally unreadable. But here are the three that remain:
1. Each half of the couple is allowed a maximum of 365 tweets (one a day for a year) about the divorce.
2. Name calling, complaints, evaluation of sexual performance, and gossip about other lovers is expressly forbidden.
3. The couple should simultaneously do their first tweets announcing the divorce. This means that they must coordinate by meeting at an agreed-upon place (Starbucks, perhaps?) with their Internet devices and do this routine: Ready, Set, Tweet!
Attorney John Tweet-Tweet, Chairman of the GMOHA, said that their twitter work was especially important, now that it has been announced that the U. S. Library of Congress is archiving tweets. "When you are an important part of history," he said, "you have to plan ahead." He then rushed off to try to get on the first plane leaving for Los Angeles to counsel client Larry King, who was suffering his eighth bout of buyer's remorse.