Written by Tawdry Soup
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Topics: Jessica Simpson

Thursday, 8 April 2010

A group of adult scavenger hunters from Des Moines, Iowa have apparently fallen off the face of the earth while searching for something dumber than cheap Marilyn Monroe knock-off, Jessica Simpson.

"We are so disappointed, we don't know what could have happened. It was supposed to be a joke, I thought they would come back with an old Coke bottle or hairpin, but it is a competitive group, after all," said party organizer Dora McKee, as search planes and helicopters circled overhead.

Jessica Simpson is currently on her "I am not Sexual Napalm-Wink, Wink" Tour, instigated by a comment made recently by douche-bag musician John Mayer about his sexual exploits with the "bleach it and they will come" bimbo.

What she doesn't seem to realize is that Mayer wasn't talking about how hot she was in bed, but the intense burning sensation on his privates three days after their, "please God don't make me picture it in my mind," sexual exploits.

As the epic journey of the scavenger hunters unfolds in the Iowa wilderness, one can only hope they complete their assignment by finding Jessica Simpson's sister, Ashlee, and all make it back OK.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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