Washington (Spoof International News)--President Bush admitted Tuesday that his administration would be bolstered with better Human intelligence.
"Human intelligence," Mr. Bush said, "is the one thing my administration needs more of. Being able to read the mail, memos, and all that paperwork stuff. It would be so much faster if we all had more intelligence."
The lack of human intelligence has been blamed by many for the mistaken belief in stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction in the former Iraqi republic. "I really, really, really thought they had WMDs over there. All the signs pointed to that. And I want to point out that we have, to a large degree, dismantled the Al Qaeda network. Now if we could just dismantle that Al-Jazeera network!," Mr. Bush went on. "When I was a boy I liked to dismantle things. Trouble was I couldn't put them back together! I hope Osama can't put them back together either."
Mr. Bush was asked about his plan to increase the level of human intelligence in his administration. "I'm glad you asked me that. Very glad. Now let me tell you. Umm, well I know that I'm taking up chess with Laura. Chess and scrabble. I think Dick and Condie are doing something. I've seen Don with the Reader's Digest...I think he's trying to put some new words in that vocabulary of his. Yes; I can assure you that we are very earnest."
Mr. Bush was asked how he and the remainder of the U.S. citizenry are now percieved throughout the world after the first 4 years of his administration. "I'm glad you asked me that. The propagandists...well, they've managed to convince the world that the USA isn't such a good place to be. They've managed to convince everyone that we don't love peace. Our war in Iraq shows that we do though! They've managed to convince everyone that elections are no more fair and legitimate in the US than any other country. Can't they just look at our election system though? Why can't they see it?"
Mr. Bush also admitted that he, in fact, is not perfect. In this way he likened himself to Ronald Reagan. "He had to make some tough decisions that, at the time, weren't perceived as very good ones. Like firing all the air traffic controllers. He made a real point by doing that," said Mr. Bush. "And I know I may have speaken a bit rough at times, during my first administration. I know I can do better though. Once the Scrabble kicks in."